Monday will be the first official day of my last semester for my master’s program. I finished my exams two weeks ago and have spent the past two weeks reading, writing, searching for jobs, and studying Italian. Recently, I have been feeling down on anthropology.
I was so excited when I started this program. I was excited about the classes and enthusiastic about this discipline. Something about the pandemic or the way the program has progressed has me feeling down about it. Maybe it was receiving my first PhD rejection. Maybe it is a rough patch. I am regularly thinking about different anthropological projects I am interested in pursuing.
How I have been Spending My Time
I have set aside full days to work on a book project I stopped working on eight years ago. I have dedicated a couple of entire days to writing. I started brainstorming while I was procrastinating studying for my last exam. I am 33,000 words in—not bad for only a few days of writing in a two-week window.
Writing again has been liberating. I am now writing at least an hour and a half per day and between five and seven hours at least one day a week. I know this will change as my classes pick back up, and I have various meetings for my different projects. But at least for now, I am in the habit of writing consistently:
- 20 minutes of daily journaling in the morning,
- 1-2 hours of blog writing
- at least one day of book writing
Starting next week, I will be adding in an hour of thesis writing and a lot more academic reading. Not the reading from my February reading list.
Feeling Down on Anthropology
Being rejected from one PhD does not mean I am not prepared and equipped to do a PhD program. I would be prepared to go into one without question. However, my confidence is shaken. This does not mean I won’t stop trying. On the contrary, the next few weeks will be a deep dive into anthropological theory. The following four weeks will be on anthropological writing. I will probably submit my thesis for the final thesis round to make sure it is the best it can be.
I am getting feedback from a current PhD student to make sure my thesis will be on track to reflect the effort I put into it. I have three months left of my program and however long it takes to submit my thesis, possibly until August. The next few months will be an extensive dive into everything I need to finish this semester strong.
Where Will I Go From Here
I have no idea what I will be doing this time next year. It is really up to others to decide my fate, which is not my favorite thing in the world. If I get into PhDs, I might be doing one of those while working. If not, I will be working full time, hopefully, on projects I am excited about.
Right now, I may be feeling down on anthropology, but I know I want anthropology, fiction writing, and blogging to be part of my future. I wonder if I can do all three of them together. This year will be a trial run for that. At least the next few months will be while I try to juggle all three plus my relationships and health.
I have always enjoyed a challenge when I felt like the stakes were worth it. This is what I want my life to be: research, writing, and more writing. I may not have a say over who hires me or if I am accepted into a PhD program, but this is 100% me.