No Sun Means I can Sleep all Day, Right?

When I lived in California, I always loved the days it rained. The grey, cloudy days and the sound of rain drops against windows always relaxed me. I left California in February 2016. It has been five years since I lived somewhere with nearly constant sunlight and a persistent drought. I loved the idea of seasons: rain, snow, and the changing of leaves. But five years is a long time to live with ever-decreasing amounts of sunlight. I don’t know how the rest of you do it.

I don’t even like the sun. I prefer sitting in the shade with sunglasses on or staying indoors. But as I sit and look out my window at another grey winter day in Milan, I am reminded that my mood is becoming increasingly dependent on the weather. I thought these things, seasonal affective disorder, vitamin D deficiency, and stuff of that nature wouldn’t affect me. I am learning how much it does.

I had a post planned today, talking about the Italian aperitivo, but either way I look while I sit curled up in the blankets between Ig and Sed, I look at the grey sky through my windows and thank the universe I guess that I am not in Belgium where it is the opposite of California. I cry and run around outside every day there is sunlight (not really. I don’t have that many emotions).

But I look outside my windows and tell myself again and again that it is so grey. And then I realize there is a pattern that emerges. On the grey days, I am tired and not motivated. The days where there is a bit of sunlight, I come a little more alive. Maybe I need to take more vitamin D. Maybe I need to learn to appreciate sunlight a bit more. Maybe I need to move further south for the winters or forever.

It’s a good think Jesse talked me out of doing master’s programs in Finland, Denmark, or Sweden. They must have less sunlight than Belgium. I am too tired to look.

Speaking of tired, I would write more, but I would like to take a nap. But apparently, there won’t be sun tomorrow either. I’ll give writing about the aperitivo a shot tomorrow anyway. Today has also been a busy day—which could also account for my mood.