Sorry, Josh Bernoff!!

Every AP high school student I knew would tell you that they did well in English because they knew how to bullshit. A friend of mine who consistently wrote the best papers in the class said he would take whatever the prompt was and argue something against it. Based on my debates with my husband, arguing against something and breaking down someone else’s logic is a lot easier to do than constructing an entire argument against nothing. This connects with what I initially worried about in academia: the textual arguments against each other’s findings and thoughts.

I am not sure how the other kids in my class developed when they went on to college. I was certainly a late bloomer in this category—I procrastinate everything. I learned, and perfected, bullshiting as an English major at UCSB. I would procrastinate writing my papers and write them the night before, sometimes even hours before they were due—barely scraping together an acceptable wordcount and never having time to re-read them. This has led to a lot of writing problems.

In my current master’s program, this more or less works because I am a native-English speaker and most of my peers are not. I would not be surprised if part of my decent grades come from having this advantage. I read, understand, and write faster than most of my peers in this language.

Applying to PhDs wanting to make a career out of writing, and wanting better grades in my current master’s program has pushed me to return to my craft.

Major Problems with my Thesis Proposal

I had a call with my thesis advisor and he had two comments about my structure in May of 2020. He had looked over my thesis proposal and two comments stuck with me:

1. I was writing a doctoral dissertation. 
2. He had no idea what I was writing about. (I vaguely introduced my topic on page 11 of 17.)

–      I do not plan: Old habits taught me I could write my papers at the last minute and still do well. As or Bs. This reinforced my writing my papers at the last minute with no idea where it would take me—kind of like this project.

–      Lack of focus: I HATE, abhor, the high school thesis sentence structure. It lacks imagination. I refuse to use it in my academic writing, even blog writing. But I have not found a suitable alternative. Meaning I often write whatever comes to mind that falls under a broad topic that is impossible to cover in the space available so I do not succeed in writing a clear text.

All of My Problems Come from the Same Source

I lack focus in my writing. I’ve said it, professors have said it, writing assistants have said it. I do not introduce a clear argument that I then support with text. I have points and sometimes I even make them, but all of this is on a map that leads to nowhere.

–      I lack structure: Partly because I do not plan and do not outline or have a clear direction, the building blocks of my writing do not fit together, sentences do not transition into whatever comes next.

–      I ramble:* I love introductory material and adding in any ideas that come to mind as I go. It is more of a stream of consciousness than it is an academic argument

–      I do not conclude:* I am not sure I know how to conclude, papers. Repeating what I said before feels formulaic or like I do not trust my reader’s intelligence enough to have gotten my point, which… how could they if I do not have one?

–      I do not revise: Because I do not leave enough time to even proofread, I am unable to do an in-depth revision and often roll with whatever my first draft happens to be.

–      I have too many ideas: and I do not know how to pick between them. Also, something that could be fixed with a clear research question from the start

* I am sure this is a great metaphor for something else in life: I love beginnings and hate endings.

All of my problems link to each other and could be remedied if I started earlier, defined a focus, and planned out my writing. Simple right? I am sure you know it is not that easy.

How I am Fixing This

I have started this process of planning and starting my writing earlier. I still struggle, even though I know the problem and how to fix it. I know it takes practice. I know it takes time. But as most people who procrastinate will tell you, they prefer to spend their time on other things and as most people in this world will say, time is not something we have to waste.

When I have more time, I will use this writing project to practice narrowing down my focus in subsequent posts. Rather than always writing in stream-of-consciousness, I will write better thought out text with a clear point and takeaway for you.

Patience is Key

I need to be patient with my process. This is easier said than done. I push myself to be the best writer I can be. I sometimes delude myself into thinking it can happen in a month as I convince myself I could become fluent in a new language in a month.

Exams and deadlines are good for not worrying about perfection. But they are not good for refinement and improving my craft of writing. That requires me to take a step back. To think about my process, spend time revisiting voice and style, and finally, narrowing my focus.